The Ancient Problem of Divorce

The challenges of matrimony are obviously nothing new.

Babylonian Talmudic texts (fourth century?) talk about divorce, saying:

"There are four minds in the bed of a divorced man who marries a divorced woman."

Oscar Wilde on Divorce

"One divorce may be regarded as a misfortune, but two begins to smack of carelessness."

--Oscar Wilde

(Note: This is not intended as a judgement of divorcees, I'm simply collecting marriage and divorce quotes and found this one interesting. I ran across it in Elizabeth Gilbert's book "Committed", where she explains her reluctance to remarry after divorcing. Considering the assessments of others at a second wedding ceremony was one of the discouragements.)

Book Recommendation: Committed

I'm in the middle of reading a great book, picked up with no idea how well it fit into Marriage Revolution ponderings. It is Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, by Elizabeth Gilbert.

The book is a follow on to Eat, Pray, Love, and was prompted by the threat that her Brazilian lover (who was introduced in that book) might not be able to enter the United States unless he becomes her husband. Both of them were marriage averse, having survived ugly divorces. Gilbert therefore jumps into a study of marriage both through history and current research.

I have to get my own copy (this one is from the library) so that I can reread it, mark it up, and pull extracts for this blog.

The current same-sex marriage legal debate gains interesting context from the book, which I'll be unfolding in future posts.

Meanwhile, check out the book yourself. It's an entertaining read as well as being useful.

More on Adam and Steve

A few more thoughts on Adam and Eve as a central argument against same sex marriage, begun in this post.

Adam and Eve are regularly brought up in the debate despite the fact that they didn't actually have what is currently being legally debated. Like the first humans, same sex couples can have a non-governmentally sanctioned union. They can live together and love each other despite an outward appearance of "wrongness" (in this case the problematic duplicate DNA issue). What they can't have in many places is the wedding at Cana, the legal protections of Hebrew marriages etc.

None of which Adam and Eve had.

My point? It's complicated. When it comes to legalization and rights related to same sex marriage, the Biblical arguments which are most frequently paraded need refining. God's model for procreation is clear, and his esteem for fidelity is obvious.

But the Biblical model for marriage itself? Not so simple.

The "Adam and Steve" argument

One of the primary Christian arguments against same sex marriage is the Genesis creation account. You may have heard phrases along the lines of "It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"

But while I'm a Christian, and a fairly conservative one at that, I find a number of problems with this bit of scripture as a defense of traditional marriage.

Adam and Eve were not "married" as far as Biblical accounts are concerned. Their bond was something that is not really comparable, or comprehensible, to what we have now. For one thing, it reads like the first instance of successful human cloning, which appears to go completely against a properly ordered procreative union. Plus they were the only humans available, which meant there wasn't any aspect of choice. So it seems to me that we can't really use them as the model for marriage.

As a procreation model yes, but not as a marriage model.

In contrast, the Bible as a whole is the model. It concentrates on fidelity. Trust. Love. Covenant. Forgiveness. Generosity.

But back to marriage. Given that Adam and Eve can't really be the model we have to look at later scriptures. And unfortunately, marriages are rarely healthy and whole in the Bible. Most of the accounts show a lot of brokenness. The exceptions are few; the Song of Songs being one of them, and a beaut at that. Mary and Joseph being another one, but that relationship was chaste and therefore also not really comparable.

I think that God uses the broken accounts to contrast His own marriage with us, as described in the Song and in Revelation. The fullness of relationship. The true wedding supper fulfilled. True fidelity, in all ways.

Adam and Eve? Not so much. The first couple is immediately dysfunctional. They don't communicate, they blame each other for joint mistakes, they are homeless, and just look at what happens to their kids.

Not exactly a great model for marriage.

As Christian's we'll have too look harder.